Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
