At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
