Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
