did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
