remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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