i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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