They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
