so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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