I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
