Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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