a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
