the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
