he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
