A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
