White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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