i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
