Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
