:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
