Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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