you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
