Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
