Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
