Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
