I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
