I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
