I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
