At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
