Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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