She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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