Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
