You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize