Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
