Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
