1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
