Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
