Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
