PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
