are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
