what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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