Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
