Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
