new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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