his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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