3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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