Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize