So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
