I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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