mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
