wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
