Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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