Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
