What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
