walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We need to rekindle our bromance
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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