Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
