you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
