When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
