You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
