I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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