1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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