Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
