my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
