While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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