I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
