i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
