Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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