the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I touched a dick in church today
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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