Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
