The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i came on her dog
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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